Agency, Action, and the Power of the Hard Path

There is a specific alchemy between agency and action. To me, they create a sense of momentum where one constantly feeds the other, pulling us forward into territory we once thought unreachable.

Recently, I was talking with a friend who is a quilter—it’s a long-standing interest but a newfound skill. She has been watching "old lady quilting videos" online and is currently working on her third quilt. The other day, she hit a snag. She didn’t realize it at the moment, but one piece of fabric had been sewn on the wrong side. Because she had already joined all the various squares together, the repair was dauntingly complicated.

She considered leaving it, but she knew she couldn’t. She had to go back and fix the error. So, she returned to the videos and found a tutorial on how to repair that specific mistake. At first, it seemed far beyond her current level. But after watching, learning, and doing, she made the correction.

It’s easy to think, "I wish I hadn’t made that mistake. I wish I had been more proactive so I didn't have to take that detour." Perhaps that’s true; it might have been easier. But the amazing thing was that after she finished the repair, she discovered something surprising: she was no longer a beginner. She had done something hard. She had met a challenge head-on and won.

Leaning into the things that are challenging gives us a sense of our own agency. That sense then makes us braver, more courageous, and more confident in our ability to navigate the "mistakes" life inevitably brings.

I’ve seen this in my own life with investing. Back in my corporate days in the late 90s, I followed my HR manager's advice and maxed out my 401k. But when I left that job in 2000, I basically didn’t touch it again. (A note to anyone listening: Do not do this! Keep investing, even if it’s a small amount. I lost decades of compounding.) Back then, I "outsourced" my investing to a financial advisor because I didn’t have the time, energy, or desire to understand it.

About six years ago, I stumbled back into the world of finance and began to learn. The more I learned, the more fascinated I became. Fast forward to today, and I haven’t just learned how to invest; I’ve learned how stock options work and how to use them conservatively to generate returns regardless of whether the market is up or down.

The other day, I was working through the numbers on a long-term trade when I thought, "You know, I actually know a lot about this now!" Something that twenty-five years ago seemed too hard to consider—something that even five years ago felt like a steep uphill climb of confusing terms—is now a landscape I feel confident navigating.

I felt that same confidence again yesterday while riding Fortuna. David (9) and Carlitos (8) were with us, having a blast. When they started riding a couple of years ago, they were timid. You’d never know it now; Carlitos was showing me how he could turn around in the saddle and ride backward while his horse, Diamanté, was still walking forward. It was playful and light. I think Fortuna felt that energy, too.

But as we turned back toward the ranch, the boys rode off into the estuary trails while we stayed on the road. Suddenly, Fortuna’s pace quickened. It was as if she were running in place while still moving forward at a walk. She looked nervously toward the estuary; we couldn't see the boys, but we could hear a ruckus coming from behind the trees. Even with Jose and Zeus right next to us, Fortuna began to amp up.

As the boys finally emerged from the trail and sped up ahead of us, Fortuna became like a race car revving at the starting line—prancing, dancing, and full of power.

Here was the amazing thing: it didn't phase me. For perhaps the first time, when her energy rose, mine didn’t. I didn’t try to force her to "calm down"—that doesn’t work when a horse feels the need to move. I let her move, but in a controlled fashion. It was outside my comfort zone, but I rode her energy, checking in with her and checking in with myself. We put on quite a show for the people walking their dogs and the driver of a squeaky truck, but we made it back to the ranch without incident.

When I dismounted and untacked her, I checked in with her. It wasn't fear or anger; it was pure energy. Excitement. Power. Vitality. And I realized I felt it, too. I felt proud that we had navigated that together.

That is the hidden gift of agency. It might seem easier to avoid the challenge or stick to the smooth path, but it is in the midst of the "hard" that we find our own power.

We often view mistakes or steep learning curves as obstacles to our progress. In reality, they are the very things that qualify us for the next level. My friend isn’t just a quilter who fixed a mistake; she is a quilter who knows she can handle the next one. I am not just someone with an investment account; I am someone who understands the mechanics of my own future. And with Fortuna, I am no longer just a passenger—I am a partner.

We don't build confidence by having a life without friction; we build it by proving to ourselves, over and over again, that we can ride the energy of the challenge without losing our seat.

If you’re interested in exploring how to "take the reins" in your own life, join us for our monthly workshop. We gather to practice the skills of presence and intentionality, learning together how to move through the world with a bit more clarity and a lot less fear.